Can I just swerve away from the normal banter that I usually start carrying on and just express how much I love dogs? I went to Caitlin's house last night, and her dog- a 4 1/2 year old rescued pit bull that endured Hurricane Katrina- made me remember just how much I do, indeed, love dogs. They want to play, have their bellies rubbed, and yeah, they might poop on the carpet because of separation anxiety, but they are dogs- it happens. You pick it up, clean the floor, and hang out with your dog. Love dogs.
Anyway. The service for Allison's mother was this evening. She seemed surprised to see me there. How could I not be there? Maybe she just thought I didn't know. I didn't want to leave her, she said she didn't know half of the people there, and her father showed up, which is awkward, because her mother was not even close to a fan of him, nor was she. I know she is a strong person, but I also know what it's like to go through that, and yeah, you can be strong, but it's still going to wreck you. She said she was feeling numb, which makes perfect sense. I just wish I could do something more proactive for her. She is a really great person, and like I said before, her mother raised her, so she gets credit, too. When the alternator in my car went today, I burst into tears. I was angry. Not about the car- that is just annoying. I was angry that this happens, and yes, I understand that we have the cycle of life and death, and it is better for people to die when they are suffering than to live just to make other people not feel the loss just yet. But anger- not my strongest suit, and only apparent in grieving- struck hard today. Anger toward cancer, anger toward the inevitable bad things happening to good people. It isn't directed at any person or entity, it just is what it is; anger. A frustration with life, because sometimes life is what seems to be unfair. Anger that this is happening in Allison's life.
I didn't know what to say, other than an awkward happy birthday. Really good to see her, sadly because of this. Maybe I can make her some cannoli or pizelle, or we can go on a cocoa run. I don't know. Nothing will help, but at least it won't hurt any more?
What else. Hmm. Didn't sleep much last night. At all. Really. I saw my doctor yesterday- she was very helpful in trying to get me into another Neurology office, but in Springfield. Yikes. 45 minutes from Lee. She is very supportive, I like her- she talks to me like I am a peer, which, I suppose, isn't exactly professional, but still nice. She also told me that she sent my records to my recruiter- which, also, obviously, I am having second and third thoughts about......I told Caitlin about it, and she countered me with volunteering in Haiti. I am not opposed to going with her to Haiti, but her saying that reminded me of my application for volunteer work in the West Bank, which I appreciate. Sometimes, I lose sight of things. Maybe I will go to Haiti next year.
Rawr. So. Yeah. Still haven't rid myself of crushing. But that's OK. I'll just mask it with....a good playlist.
Music is proverbial duct tape.
The Beta Band- Dry the Rain
Billie Holiday- Let's Call a Heart a Heart
Nina Simone- I Want A Little Sugar in My Bowl
No and the Maybes- Monday
City and Colour- Sleeping Sickness
The Flaming Lips- Yoshimi Battles the Robots Part 1
Ben Harper- She's Only Happy in the Sun
Gossip- Swing Low
Howling Bells- Cities Burning Down Again
Jennifer Gentle- I Do Dream You
Awesome, it's half past midnight. I am officially 26 years old. Awkward.
Showing posts with label billie holiday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label billie holiday. Show all posts
Friday, October 23, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
Head trauma No. 2- the new Love Potion No. 9
Not to be confused with Chanel. Which always smells like cotton candy to me.
No, seriously, let me begin by apologizing to you, random person who stumbled upon my blog, where I have been since I baked that zucchini bread. The plague I thought I had turned out to be bad bunny allergies. Like.....wicked bad. When Theo is born, I am going to have to kidnap him away, because now I know just how allergic to Mary's little Ms. Sparksalot I am.
ANYway, back to that. Let's see. Thought I had the flu- negatory. That Friday night, I was supposed to hang out with Shauna and Josh, as Shauna had just arrived home for the weekend. However, Josh was planning on dumping her to chase after my friend Amanda (yeah, too bad that didn't work out, ya creeper), so my presence was not required, nor appropriate. I ended up having to check out a crumbling chimney in Richmond, and then drove down to GB to meet up with Gwen. She seems really great- very sweet, pleasant, not a lull or uninteresting moment in conversation. Pleasant. Speaking of pleasant, I was pleasantly surprised to see Smitty and McGee also at the bar. I sort of ended up embarrassing myself at the end of the night, and have concluded that if I am ever in a bar, I should have at least one alcoholic beverage, just as so to not be so.....nervous-geek, I suppose.
On to Saturday- aha. This gets juicy. I attended the one queer event in the county that didn't include Club Red, which was closed down years ago- Quite Queer. It was........odd. Maybe because I'm more like a gay rights sort of person and not like a gay pride sort of person.....I just wasn't feeling it. It was nice to see some very dear folks, and as always, great to be Najie's pseudo-date, but I ended up having a seizure on the steps of the Elks Lodge and smashing my head on the cement. Awesome. From there, I walked my friends Danielle and Jason to her house, where he fell asleep, and I rubbed her back as she expelled the tequila from that evening onto the patch of grass in her front yard. I then walked to my car, drove home and made a giant bowl of shrimp and pasta, not realizing that my noggin was bleeding.
My friend Matt soon after sent me a text message telling me to come over......I drove back into town and ended up having conversations until 8 a.m., slept a few hours, and left. It wasn't until I was talking to Jay at Dottie's that I realized there was dried blood in my hair, and that I should probably go home and take care of that.
Two nights later, I'm playing open mic with Eamonn and forgot how to play the mandolin. So I picked up the guitar......and realized I couldn't really remember anything that wasn't by Elliott Smith. That's when I drove to the hospital. Eamonn came down for a few hours and watched TV with me and killed time playing hangman. He is such a great dude. Anyway, CT scan was pretty clear, but I'm having issues with the Concussion Clinic. Yes. BMC has a Concussion Clinic.
Now it's Friday morning, and Josh won't talk to me because my friends don't want to sleep with him. Too bad for him. Curlyhawk and Lindy are allegedly coming to visit today. That is an exciting prospect. Also, high points of the week, just to clarify: coffee with Mary, Ryan, and Jess, the awesome CD Jess made me, last Friday night, hanging out with Jason and Yelli, going to see the Laramie Project Epilogue with Jess, and random ER hangman with Eamonn. Also, random texts/FB messages. Maybe not so random. Maybe I should just thank these people? Thanks, guys.
Here is a short playlist before I give you other news you may not want to hear:
Res- Tsunami (this is just a link to the video, no mp3 available, but I swear, you'll love it!)
OK, so, there is some playlist, and now, I talk a little more.
Seriously, if you're bothered, stop reading. You have that choice.
My father is sitting in the recliner I bought for him eating bread pudding. Bread pudding for breakfast? He is one funny, little old man. When Robbie came over, we turned on CNN to watch for breaking news on the balloon boy (still finding it funny that his name was Falcon) and Pop was quite amused.
"Did he think he could travel around the world, like in that book you girls used to read?"
No, Pop. Clearly this poor kid doesn't have enough reading materials. Unless he was pulling a Neverending Story in that attic, reading a giant book of doom and waiting for Falcor to save him from the Nothing. Falcon, Falcor. Makes sense. Dear god, there is now a bat next to me on the couch. AGAIN. I need to block off the chimney....
This head injury really has impacted me. I misspell things, which I never do, I am so anal about spelling and do nothing with punctuation and grammar and generally, yeah, I tend to not capitalize, but I would like to blame that on e.e. cummings for entering my life when I was taking penmanship classes and learning to use a word processor at home. Damn you, cummings.
Also, I forget what I am doing or saying in the middle, which has been pointed out, and is kind of embarrassing to admit. Yikes. Like, right now, I am more upset by the fact that I can't ride a motorcycle than by the fact that there is bleeding inside of my skull. I have never been injured on a motorcycle. I was burned slightly by an exhaust on a dirtbike when i was 11- that was all. Seriously. What the hell. I know it's already started snowing and everything, but I really like riding with dry roads and light snow.
OK, that Res song is stuck in my head now. You really need to listen to it. I heard it when that CD first came out- I think I was 18 going on 19. That song was literally stuck in my head until brain trauma of 2009 number one. I am not exactly sure if this is true, but I did experience 12 hours of something amnesiac, so I'm going to safely assume.
Here are the lyrics, I'm out until I have my morning coffee at the very least.
I feel so nice just when you're here
The reason why is not so clear
I knew the first time when you told me
I'd fall in love just as you'd hold me
And now I want to stay at your side tonight
I want to watch you as the sun lights up your eyes
I want to know when you wake first thing you see is me
You're all the things I prayed that I'd meet
[Chorus:]
Ride, ride this wave of mine
There're brighter things out on the other side
Ride, ride this wave of mine
I know that things are going to be alright
Moments they come and then they go
You'll feel so high and then before you know
I could of sworn our future was set in stone
But I guess some things it's just as well for God to know
So now I concentrate on turning wrong to right
I'm going to let go things I held inside so tight
I'm going to live and let forgive things said in spite
Clear out the smoke and usher in the light
The reason why is not so clear
I knew the first time when you told me
I'd fall in love just as you'd hold me
And now I want to stay at your side tonight
I want to watch you as the sun lights up your eyes
I want to know when you wake first thing you see is me
You're all the things I prayed that I'd meet
[Chorus:]
Ride, ride this wave of mine
There're brighter things out on the other side
Ride, ride this wave of mine
I know that things are going to be alright
Moments they come and then they go
You'll feel so high and then before you know
I could of sworn our future was set in stone
But I guess some things it's just as well for God to know
So now I concentrate on turning wrong to right
I'm going to let go things I held inside so tight
I'm going to live and let forgive things said in spite
Clear out the smoke and usher in the light
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Weird weather, weird mood........weird noises coming from my food.
Isn't it just Rice Krispies that are supposed to go snap, crackle, pop? I just made the sketchiest bowl of oatmeal. It is not going in my stomach.
It's rather torturous when you break up with someone who you care about. Especially when said person seems like they are trying hard to convince themselves they don't love you anymore. Like, talking and everything is fine, but songs and pictures make them uncomfortable, as if every picture of the two of you should not exist for a while, and your musical tastes should be altered by such a shocking experience. I don't get it. But, alas. Such is life.
Regardless. Back on the job hunt- I turned down a job at Brigham and Women's today, which I'm sure I'm going to get a ton of flack for. Honestly, though, I can not afford to move back to Boston right at this moment, and especially for a per-diem job. Really? Per-diem? I could have steadier employment as a substitute teacher. Hell, my washing dishes two nights a week will keep me better supported.
Anyway. Here are some tunes to which I am officially starting my day.
I would love to see a couple fast-waltzing to this song....the time is amazing.
Something about upbeat songs about not upbeat things can be comforting.
This has got to be the most amazing Cure cover.
Another Cure cover, but their originals are good, as well.
Again, I do hope you enjoy listening to my blog.
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